THE DARK ROOM

THE DARK ROOM

"When we realize the extent of the myriad interconnections which link us to all other life, we realize that our existence only becomes meaningful through interaction with, and in relation to, others."

  When I started this path, I felt like I was in a dark room, and to make this room light up, I needed to ‘connect’. Now my scientific mind looked at this word ‘connect’ and thought of an electrical circuit, like a light switch, it is either on or off. So if I work hard to connect to the rest of humanity, I will make the connection, the switch will be turned on, and my room will be brightly lit.
   I now know that this is wrong, When I would judge my standing with humanity, I would either be connected and fine, or not connected and completely rejected and alone and useless. I thought about my relationship with the word ‘connected’ and realized that it was wrong.
  I now see that my room was never dark, it always had some light. Each person in my life is like a light shining in my room, but my room is still not as bright as I would like it to be. I now understand that to make other peoples light shine brighter in my room, I must expose them to my light. I must remove as much of the blinders I use to keep people from seeing my true self and let them see my true light as brightly as possible. Now, I know when I do this, some people will be taken aback by the shades of my light and move away, but others will be drawn in. And as more people move closer to my light, their light shines brighter and brighter in my room, taking away the darkness.
   Now my room is more brightly then it has ever been.
   Hopefully some day, One other person’s light will get so close to me that our lights will merge, and we will shine as one.

WHAT ARE WORDS FOR?

WHAT ARE WORDS FOR?

   I see words as primarily a tool to communicate facts. That is how I use them. When I would arrive at a social gathering, people will engage in chit chat, small talk, inane conversation that appears to serve no purpose to me. I didn’t understand how people humored themselves in this manner, I mean , fuck ‘em if they need a joke. I usually would remain quiet until I notice someone is talking about something that I know something about and I interject some ‘fact’s that I know with the belief I will enlighten them and further their understanding and they will be grateful for my contribution.

a Daoist quote:
“A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.”
The Buddha says:
“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”

   I now know that this is wrong, that for most people, words are tool to foment and define group associations, and that ‘facts’ are secondary to that goal.
   Now to me this all sounds very strange, but it explains a lot.
   I have learned on one and one communication that bonding is made by common emotional themes, not by facts.
   I’ve gone out of my way to avoid be defined by any ‘group’. I do not eat meat, but I am not a vegetarian.
I have eschewed drugs, alcohol and promiscuity, but I am not straight edge. I meditate and study the four noble truths, but I am not a Buddhist, I do not believe in a personal God, but I am not an Atheist. Maybe because when I was young and did not like my standing in the group so I rejected them. When I left high school I had a great passion for a particular style of music and was able to find a group identity based on that, and the fact that I could babble on and on about the bands I liked wasn’t based upon any attempt to conform to a group, it had that effect and I found myself part of ‘group’. Now scenes come and go and other people find a new ‘group’ to associate with. But, as typical in aspergers, my tastes and opinions not being based on a group think remain static, unchanging. If I like a band, I will always like it.

A paraphrase of the Kalama Sutta, says:
“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.”

   This explains a lot in my life that was confusing to me. Only once in my life, about two years ago, did anyone set me up with someone. I always wondered why this was case, now I know. Other people introduce other people to the other people in their ‘group’. Since I avoided a ‘group’,. I was out of the loop.
Who people decide to hook up with is significantly influenced by these group cohesions.
   When I would get into fact based scientific conversations with people, I would be frustrated that  a coherent fact-based argument would be rejected, because for other people, the facts matter not independently what they convey, but whether they affirm the point of view of  group they belong to, or reject the point of view of the outside group (No, I am not talking about you!).
   It is difficult for aspies to be part of a ‘group’
   In the past I would always put my best self forward when confronted with a group, pretending to be more confident and together than I really am.  Now I find myself, maybe for the first time in my life, becoming part of a group, a bunch of tattooed meditating Buddhist atheists.   The irony is that this time I am being more vulnerable than I ever have, presenting an image maybe weaker than I really am.
   I’ve always avoided using the inside terms and language that people within a group tend to use to foment social cohesion.  But I’ll give it a try – Metta to all

“The Buddha says wise speech has five characteristics:

Well-intended – Comes from goodwill, not ill will; constructive; aimed to build up, not tear down

True – Not overstated, taken out of context, or blown-up out of proportion

Beneficial – Helps things get better, not worse (even if it takes a while)

Timely – Not driven by impulsivity; rests on a foundation that creates a good chance of it being truly heard

Not harsh – It could be firm, pointed, or intense; it could confront mistreatment or injustice; anger could be acknowledged; but it is not prosecutorial, nasty, inflammatory, dismissive, disdainful, or snarky.”

Much of the information from this post comes from the book:
A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior by Ian Ford
http://www.amazon.com/Field-Guide-Earthlings-neurotypical-ebook/dp/B004EPYUV2

http://www.amazon.com/Fuck-They-Cant-Take-Joke/dp/B00008FPHO/ref=ntt_mus_dp_dpt_8

A MATTER OF LOOKING INTO THE EYES

A MATTER OF LOOKING INTO THE EYES

Early on in my life, I ad a difficult time looking into people’s eyes. When I would look into people’s eyes when we were talking, I would be overcome with fear and turn away. This made it difficult for me to see facial expressions and learn what they meant. I thought I could get away with it, but over time I learned that wasn't working and that if I wanted to improve things I would have to force myself to look people in the eyes when we had conversations.  Over time I have become at ease with it and it is no longer a problem, although I still sometimes get confused as too how long to hold a gaze and have to use some energy to do it, and when I am speaking in a very emotional personal manner it still sometimes impossible.

I've thought about other people in the same situation and what I can come up with to help them, and me.

Eckhart Tolle talks about the ‘duality of the mind’, that there is part of the mind that experiences reality, and another part that observes what the observing part of the mind is experiencing.

The first universal truth of Buddhism states: Nothing is lost in the universe:
“The first truth is that nothing is lost in the universe. Matter turns into energy, energy turns into matter. A dead leaf turns into soil. A seed sprouts and becomes a new plant. Old solar systems disintegrate and turn into cosmic rays. We are born of our parents, our children are born of us.

We are the same as plants, as trees, as other people, as the rain that falls. We consist of that which is around us, we are the same as everything. If we destroy something around us, we destroy ourselves. If we cheat another, we cheat ourselves. Understanding this truth, the Buddha and his disciples never killed any animal.”

The part of the mind that observes is like a light that shines within us. The source of that light is the same for everyone, and burns just a brightly in all of us. Stoic philosophy states: “All people are manifestations of the one universal spirit”. That light may make it’s way through us in different paths and ours may appear differently to the outside world, but it is the same. The path the light takes is not fixed and whatever is within us that keeps it from shining bright can be removed. Our light may take a different path, but it can shine as bright as any other. The observer is the same in all of us, it makes no difference how rich we are, how poor we are, whether we have autism, ADD, mania or are gregarious, it makes no difference to the observer, it is the same in all of us.

The Bhagavad Gita says:
“He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self in all beings, and all beings in his own Self, and looks on everything with an impartial eye.”

When you look into someone’s eyes, you see the same light that is within us, you see the same source, you see yourself. Do not be afraid to look someone in the eyes.

The first entry of the Noble Eight-fold Path is the Right View: “The right way to think about life is to see the world through the eyes of the Buddha--with wisdom and compassion”

If you gaze at another with that wisdom and compassion, the fear will go away.

For further info on how the light within us reaches it’s way out in different paths for each of us I suggest this article:
http://healthland.time.com/2013/06/27/unique-brain-pattern-could-predict-autism-in-youngest-children/